New Year, SAME You…But with a Renewed Sense of Worthiness

’Tis the season for “self-improvement” goals — attempts to change into more acceptable, lovable, successful versions of ourselves. But here’s the thing: you are already worthy of acceptance, love, and all of your successes.

This year, I challenge you to make a resolution to better appreciate the exceptional person you already are.

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What’s wrong with the usual New Year’s resolutions?

We tend to use a deficit mindset when we set our goals for self-improvement.

I need to lose weight (because my body isn’t good enough).

I want to stick to a budget (because I’m terrible with money).

I’m going to get my home organized (because I’m always such a mess!).

Even if your resolution is phrased in a positive way (reading more books, spending more time with family, etc.), we often arrive at these goals by focusing on what we feel we lack. This is not to say that these are unreasonable goals. It’s a great idea to budget and to get organized (though, perhaps I’ll save diet culture and why you shouldn’t try to lose weight for another article). But here’s the biggest problem with setting goals from a deficit…

I would love to read more books in 2022 than I did in 2021. But if I don’t, I’m still an intelligent and curious person. I would love to finally organize the files that have been sitting in my basement since I moved a year ago. But if I don’t, I’m still a qualified adult, and a good parent and spouse. My value as a person is not determined by the things I do or don’t do. I am worthy as I am. Full stop.

Okay, so what should we do instead?

I challenge you this year to set at least one goal that helps you to be more intentional about appreciating and loving yourself.

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Here are a couple of ideas:

Track compliments and positive feedback

Create a spreadsheet and/or a folder (digital or physical) in which to capture every kind thing people say to you. Maybe it’s directly related to your job (Thanks for putting together that presentation…the data visualization was so helpful). Maybe it’s something that seems small in the moment (Ooo…I love your shoes!). These things add up, and can help you get a handle on what kinds of things people see in you that it might not always be easy to see in yourself.

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If someone stops you on the street and asks where you got that fabulous dress, jot it down in your compliments spreadsheet. If you get a LinkedIn request that comes with a message about how welcoming you were at XYZ networking event, take a screenshot of it and put it in your digital compliments folder. If someone sends you a thank you note, expressing how thoughtful you were for sending flowers after so-and-so’s surgery, tuck that note into your physical compliments folder. Your positive traits are touching other people’s lives all the time. Take notice when they tell you about it.

Write down something you love about yourself. Every. Single. Day.

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This is a hard one. I did this for a month — the shortest month of the year — and it was a strain. But going through this exercise definitely helped me to temper my negative self-talk in various situations.

It can be a big thing: I love my generosity toward others. It can be a small thing: I love my new hairstyle. It can be physical: I love my eyes. It can be emotional: I love my ability to grieve. It can be silly, deep, or anything in between.

Review the list once in a while, and bask in your worthiness. You are all of the things on this list and more. And most importantly, you are enough.